I have saved hundreds of lives in the work I do, i stopped counting sometime around 2010. I don't want to do it anymore but i feel like i have to. No matter how many people I have saved I'm destroyed and haunted inside by the people we have lost and couldnt. I'm so broken and tired of having to be the person that helps and i need to be the person someone else saves for once. I would turn to the people i work with, but I know we are all the same. I feel guilty, but I just wish I had got an office job and never got into all this. This should have never been my life.