In 2013, My best friend's wife, my other friend, and the best friend I ever had, my grandparents (both, who raised me), (6 people in my life, including my girlfriend of 5 years) My grandmother passed while I was at my best friend's funeral, I got the call from my mother, this friend showed up at my grandfather's funeral a couple months earlier... That weekend, I tried to get away, I said, "I'm going to visit my girl this weekend." ... I went on facebook to tell her I was on my way, and a message from her mom was on her page, "It is with heavy heart I post this on my daughter's page, Lindsay passed away at 8:15 this morning from an aggressive cancer, I am so sorry, I am so lost." ... Turns out, she didn't want me to worry because of all the loss, and thought she had time, so she, didn't tell me. Fast-foreward to two years ago, All four of my dogs passed from various sudden illnesses. I had to watch each one die. One of a heart attack, one of an infection, one of kidney failure, and the last one of cancer. ... I've been unable to gather up my life since. Everyone is gone. I only get 2 to 5 hours of sleep per night since. I am living with such pain, and no one knows. I walked into the hospice room moments after my best friend passed, I watched my family fight, literally fight, like pulling hair and swinging, over who got what when my grandparents passed... I didn't get to say goodbye to my girlfriend. I went to all of their funerals. Everything in my life has stopped, and I feel like nothing matters, I think of them all daily. I miss my dogs, over 10 years they lived with me, slept in my bed, comforted me when I was down.. and then suddenly, in one year, they were all gone. No one really knows how hard it's hit me. I've had dark thoughts, often, not anymore, but, I had a gun in my mouth every couple days for 2 years. Only recently has the pain turned to numbness. An empty feeling, like I'm watching a movie, not living my life. I hide it well, but it's always there.